ceritera makanan buka puasa.

1 rejab. aku puasa. semangat. sebab aku ada terbaca post yang cakap rejab bulan Allah. 1 rejab, adalah salah satu daripada 5 malam yang Allah buka langit. some kind of bila langit dibuka, all the prayers will go straight and maybe lebih mudah diperkenankan, who knows. But grab all the opurtunitiy lah kan. and they said berpuasa dua hari di awal rejab menjanjikan pahala besar, so there I go, puasa. :)

tadi jam 3 petang, tengah kelas pun sibuk sudah aku fikir pasal mau berbuka puasa apa. and semakin aku cakap pasal berbuka puasa semakin lah aku lapar. better not to talk about it, :D. 

mulalah fikiran cakap "kalaulah sekarang di rumah. kalaulah sekarang di rumah", "boleh makan itu ini....."

If I am home, pasti aku request banyak-banyak dari ibu. and to have your wishes on food fullfilled when you are fasting is a bless. with that, I have a story. just a kind of flashback. I shouldn't think about this but when talking about hajat hati dipenuhi, I remember this thing.

Last puasa, on the very first day of puasa. Ada someone ni request mau makan ayam masak kicap. em, itu favourite food dia. and he indeed pernah rasa the ayam masak kicap that I made back when we are still in school, form 3. oh yes, I can cook. cook well. :) he cannot make himself back home due to few problems so he requested for it, he says "bukannya tiada kedai di KK ni, but aku mau makan ayam masak kicap kau, at least rasa macam di rumah." 

maka, gigihlah aku masak kan. siap buat custard cake. and dia pun gigih juga drive all the way to papar from KK(bukan jauh pun). he WAS once the person I love. so cooking for someone you love, it is a nice thing to do. its like semua kasih sayang kau curahkan masa memasak tu. every tiny details, potong bawang and all that, its all made out of love. so, masakan kan, bila dibuat dengan kasih sayang, sedap dia lain. 

He really love it and was very thankful. even masa raya when makanan yang disediakan at my home were spaghetti and kari ayam, he still requesting "boleh masak ayam masak kicap?" with that I know, he really like it and I feel appreciated. 

me and him, don't know where we went wrong. Allah knows more about that. perhaps it is a way to protect us both. who knows. he's with other girl now, i'm not sure in a relationship or what and I didn't bring myself to know anything about him again, but sincerely I pray for his happiness and the girl, may you be the best for him. cherish him, accept his flaws as you accept his perfectness. and with that girl, you'll be the happiest girl alive. oh and me? neh, pandailah putera aku datang tu. I didn't search, I'm waiting for the pemilik tulang rusuk. :)

So, the feeling of dapat makanan yang kita mau masa puasa is blissful. apalagi dari orang yang kita sayang. and, menyediakan makanan untuk orang yang kita sayang, pun blissful. I guess that is how our mothers feel when they prepared our food. right. 

and when I'm home, I always cook. cook for my family. ayah, ibu, and adik2, includes cousin or macik pacik, always suka and are so cheerful if I cooked and mesti lingis(licin) ni kalau dorang makan. and that is the blissful moment. bukan susah mau buat orang happy, masak, give them. they will smile sampai telinga. 

and yes, I miss cooking, baking. I'm a girl anyway. dalam ganas, tetap ada juga sikit ciri pandai mengurus rumahtangga. woot woot. :)

selamat berbuka puasa 1 rejab.

as cousin masuk matrik esok, aku pula mengimbau kenangan.

esok, one of my cousin akan masuk matrik. matrikulasi labuan. this is the first time for her to leave home, and this is the first experience for her parents to send away their child from home. As I type this post, they're staying at grand dorsett labuan, one of the finest hotel there, fully supported by my bapa tua. such a bless eh, actually the room was for my bapa tua sebab anak dia pun sepatutnya masuk matrik but to cut story short, his son tidak jadi masuk matrik sebab he chose unimas so all the facilities that were booked earlier goes to us. eh, us pula kan? haha. my ayah and my bro pun follow them juga as my ayah kan experienced sudah menghantar aku, her one and only daughter.

dari tadi petang, aku sedang merisaukan my cousin ni. aku fikir nanti dia homesick. and aku fikir pasal her mum juga. oh, my cousin name? hani nadhirah. i call her ira. oh and yes, she's beautiful. :) after ira dapat tau dia akan masuk matrik, she text me a lot, asking about what to bring, what to wear there, what to buy, this and that. "kak, boleh pakai tudung apa ja di sana kah?", "kak, baju mesti berkolar?", "kak, boleh pakai selipar?", "kak, heater mau bawa? iron?" some kind of nice juga bila diri ini dijadikan rujukan. :D

so, as aku terfikir2 pasal macam mana lah ira ni esok, aku pun membuka lah topik di bilik aku ni. pasal kenangan mula-mula masuk matrik. maka bergelak tawa lah kami ni mengingat. all the cries and laughter. all the homesick. there I tell you, yang bodoh2 masa dulu yang buat kita ketawa today kan. :)

one of my roommate, name norjan, jenis yang cry out loud. so norjan said as her kakak walk out the door, she cries like berhabis meraung, didn't think about orang lain langsung. and she called her mum.

"mak, pulanglah aku!"
"jadi ndalah kau belajar?"
"belajar mak, form6 di kampung pun boleh. wuwuwuwu."


aku pernah dengar norjan menangis, so it is kind of pure cry from heart you know. yang kuat sambil tersengguk-sengguk. eh, what we call that? tersengguk is it? so, as I imagine about her crying, I laugh lah. must be funny.

and for aida pula. she said, baru ja sampai matrik, she was already counting about berapa hari mau balik rumah. like "satu bulan, 10 hari" and all that. and again calling with her mum.

"mak, aku mau pulang"
"iya, mamak pun rindu kau"
*tiba-tiba kakak aida yang rampas telefon
"ini jalan yang kau pilih!teruskan lah hidupmu sana!

boleh pula macam tu kan? ganas kakak aida ni, bukan nda sayang. but dalam setiap keluarga akan ada satu penguat semangat, since mama aida pun jenis lembut hati, silap-silap kalau kakak aida tiada at that time, free-free aida pulang sandakan berhenti matrik.

and as for me? my family, i mean, ibu and me jenis tabah-tabah punya orang kan. some kind of ego maybe mau nangis depan-depan, yang jenis cries softly at behind, yang jenis cepat2 bergerak after berpelukan so that we didn't cry in front of each other. so aku tiada lah cerita yang meraung-raung ni. and as aku sudah berjauh dari rumah since form 1, kurang lah sikit berat masa mau masuk matrik, but still berat lah yang macam tiba-tiba jantung aku berat 100kg before jalan dari rumah. but about being away from home, the best story of me is when my mum send me away masa form 1.

ayah saja yang hantar aku sampai SMSL(sek men sains labuan) masa tu. and preparation was fully made by ibu, that one day, yang aku bangun, and nampak 2 big luggage were fulled. hanger, jam loceng, sabun, baju, sweater, selipar tandas, complete! tinggal angkat and jalan. and masatu kan masi kecil, muda, so we are thinking about spending time with friends only, so masa mau jalan tu I didn't cry lah. but when ayah about to go, aku cakap. "bye, jalanlah ayah cepat!" sebab my tears was di hujung-hujung mata sudah. and malam tu, cuci kain. ehem, 1st time lah cuci kain pakai tangan, so as aku memberus tu, setiap berusan diiringi dengan esakan. and kalau orang lain masuk tandas, barulah esakan stopped, and lepas orang keluar, sambung teresak balik. homesick, semua orang pernah rasa. setabah mana pun, selelelaki mana pun, semua orang pernah rasa and cry like a baby to sleep just because of homesick.

and as for my dearest Ibu, ayah told me, the first time i was away from her, she was like dying. she walked to her workplace crying all the way. cry the whole weak, everytime masa makan, cry cry and cry. :') she said "apalah nisa makan ni?" :') awh, ibu, kasihmu sampai syurga. i know you think I didn't know about this til now but ayah did tell me a long time ago. same goes to this last year, when my bro mau sambung belajar WALAUPUN di kk ja yang only an hour from home pun, she called my aunt and lemah-lemah she says "si anip mau sambung belajar sudah. siapa lah di rumah ni. sunyi lah kami ni" ibu ibu, engkaulah ratu hatiku.

kalau diberi pilihan, nda aku mau jauh-jauh ni betul. sebab bila lagi aku mau di rumah. pasni kerja, pas kerja kahwin, so when lah aku akan habiskan masa dengan my ibu lagi. so ada hikmah juga single ni. paling kurang 3 4 tahun lagi kahwin, so 3 4 tahun ni ja la aku ada masa mau spend time with family and friends. kan kan. nah, that is one of the positive side of being single. pernah nda kau terfikir macam tu?;)

so berbalik pada cerita ira.

"ira, kakak tau, besok as ibu abah, apis and ijam walk out of your door room, you will cried your lungs out. as you stay the first night there, you will cry yourself to bed. but dear, endure the pain ya?" you were out for good. it is the time to face the world, walaupun kejam, this is the process to become a person. go there, study saja. jangan fikir pasal rumah. ibu abah, your sisters and brothers pandai lah atur hidup dorang without you at home. ayam2 pun kak mary kasi makan, jangan risau. :) kalau ada orang mengurat, layan saja. but study is your priority. score 4 flat. jangan jadi macam kakak. :) Iloveyou. call me anytime. I'm here for you. best wishes from kakak, love all the way from pahang. "

and ada one funny story between nenek dan ira.

"kau mau jadi apa nanti lepas matrik?"
"doktor kali nek"
"nda payah lah! jadi engineer saja supaya boleh kerja di sabah!"

haha. :D

nenek got this phobia where her one and only daughter, maci mismah, was away from home masa muda, kahwin semenanjung, live KL til now and jarang balik kampung. So, nenek don't wan't us, her cucu to be away. nenek pun selalu tanya aku

"nanti kau kerja di sini sini saja kan? ada kan kerja kau di kk kk?" nenek nenek. :)

this me and ira, last raya.

there's always the first time in everything.

At the very least, I should finished some assignment tonights or else I could faint with exhaustion. But, sebab hati tidak berapa sedap, I feel like wanna talk but not to talk to anybody, so out of no where, i was thinking about this blog yang sudah bersarang.

this few months, there's too much thing going on in my life. most of it are good things, few of those aren't good. whose life will be so good in everything by the way? perhaps if I got other time, I would make some posts about all those things. But in this middle of the night, I would love to talk about what happen very recently, very very recently, it was 2 days ago.

11 may 2012. I was in a singing competition. oh ya, you didn't read that wrong. It is SINGING competition. if you know me, I am someone that is quite synonim with dancing, but never even close to singing. seriously, menyanyi dalam tandas di hostel pun segan okay. tandas rumah berani lah juga. My voice is kind of limited to people that really know me, like few of families and roommates, sebab hanya mereka pernah dengar aku karaoke. and I was never really good, setakat boleh-boleh saja lah. Even not to my bestfriend, sebab this singing things strikes me about 2 3 years backwards, and mariam and me were always thousands miles away.

And to be exact, it is MANDARIN SONG COMPETITION. aha, that is quite shocking is it. but not so shocking lah actually because I can speak mandarin walaupun not so well anymore. So, the process is kind of funny lah sebab kekurangan keyakinan diri and all that. til the very saat terakhir of hantar borang baru I go and sent in my registration form where the pejabat close at 5.p.m and my class also finished at 5.p.m, I was like tawakal and bergantung pada rezeki saja, kalau pejabat masih buka, then I join, if no, then not rezeki. So, kind of rezeki lah kan the pejabat still open. and they said the audition is the next day. at that time, dalam sedar tidak sedar memang aku sudah hafal a mandarin song which I always sang in the room so bab hafal-hafal lagu wasn't a problem. The problem at that time is, either I sang acapella or with instrument, minus one was not accepted during audition. Mana mungkin aku ber-acapella, tidak akan. so, masalahnya ialah mencari pemain gitar. I swear to myself, if I could play, I won't susahkan siapa-siapa. and sangat susah lah mencari guitarist at that time sebab this competition clashed with Saturday night life event where all  the Umpians musician will join that event. In my mind, there's this boy who can play and Saturday Night life wasn't his priority but he didn't want to do any performance. despite all that, aku tetap called him and ask, mula-mula I just ask him untuk kasi biasa aku with the guitar things and I say I will find another guitarist, but as we are practising, I managed to convinced him to joined me. So, there, I get a guitarist.

then, we enter the audition. aku membayangkan a closed audition. never occured to my mind that it is an opened audition. setibanya aku di tempat kejadian pun, there are so many people there, and that is where I almost get this some kind of breakdown. and lagi lah mengharukan keadaan when they said I'm the second contestant. My guitarist yang  kononnya sangat nervous pula turn to be sangat calm during audition. Its like we are changing souls sebelum audition, I was always the calm one but not this time. If you are there, you could see that I was like a sad kitten yang sangat2 kasihan. I was trembling. But I know as I opened my mouth, the judges were quite atonished. tapi, sebab terlalu nervous, till the very last words, I didn't even angkat my eyes to see the audience. til my guitarist laugh because he said "bibir kau pun begegar". can you imagine the ritcher scale of my nervous then?  epic is it sampai the lips shake. :D So, the judges give me second chance and ask mee to see the audience, and after that I did qualified myself to the final. But, there's this one funny story happen here. All the judges are actually pure chinese from china. So, it is a bit hard to understand their english, and what I heard was "can you sing last friday night?". tapi sebenarnya what she say is "see you this friday night". hah, nasib baik aku tidak nyanyi lagu last friday night, kalau tidak, kuyak sepanjang zaman lah kan. semua nervous punya pasal.

So, as i qualified to the final, and suddenly they said minus one must be use during final, my guitarist didnt follow me to final, and I have to perform solo. And they asked for two songs, so I have to hafal another song. Luckily I did hafal another song. not so hafal, but 1 day is enough for me to prepare. I was nervous, indeed. aku takut trembling til the voice begegar. I was afraid in many things. And ayah. yes my ayah, ayah is a great singer where actually anak-anak dia tidak berapa mendapat darah seni dia tu. so, when I tell him he was like"really?" but yes he did yakin in me, keep on calling to give tips and all that. 15 minutes before audition though I didn't remind him, he called. I didn't think about this seriously before that because I think it is not because the voice, for me, it is because of the mandarin ability in speaking but it turn out to be yes you need to sing well to enter this thing.

it was never about winning. seriously, throughout the process, I did aware this gonna help me a lot for myself. For the courage and self confidence. So, dalam mau tidak mau, I enter the final stage. again, as the lucky second contestant. langkah pertama naik stage, I tell you, I can't even feel the stage. its like "did I step it, eh, where's my feet going? okay, I'm not falling, keep on going" and the butterfly in the stomach feeling. uh, I tell you it's like thousand butterflies are in my stomach that time. dalam kebegegaran aku tu, I greet the audience, the music started and I saw few of my friends, and there, they are my strength. :) It was not a good voice quality of performance coz theres part I cant tarik my voice sebab terlalu begegar, but I did give my best. seeing all the faces that was eager to know whether this girl can pull everythings out and there I wave to the audience. I didnt think of anything but just this one, at least, when the audience go back, I wanted to make my performance was one of the performance that they can't forget. A performance that everyone could remember. I want just that. I did have some fun performing, perhaps the joy that hepls me a lot is it.

this is my video by the way, :)

not so good is it? but that was my first time. first time singing in front of a crowd. and to make it different, forst time singing, even in mandarin, in front of a crowd.

and after all this things, I have this one satisfaction for myself. that a tiny part of me say "at least, I have a bit of ayah's talent." all this things, it was for him, my dearest ayah. My biggest idol in singing. at the very least, after this, ayah and me could share and talk about singing. that is all this is about. never about winning, nor anything.

and ayah says he was proud and say that I could join him jamming when I go back home later. So what else did I want? nothing.

There's nothing I want in my life besides to make ayah and ibu proud of me.

there's second song actually but sebab ada maslaah teknikal and it ended with me singing not using minus one but the mp3 song with original song, it spoil my performance but it is okay.

and i ended as the first runner for this competition and the winner is cynthia george, there you can read her story here, cynthia winning story. :). second runner up is linda. saguhati goes to diana and her boyfriend. diana has this very sedap voice, really. some kind of when you hear, it is so menenangkan. I like. and about performing with boyfriend, I might do a post about that.

ah, and to end everything with, of course, not to forget every single person that sangat-sangat menyokong jatuh bangun saya, ibu ayah adik-adik, roommates yang walaupun tidak dapat sebut the words but still sing the melody with me, my guitarist who didnt perform with me but was there through all the process, friends yang datang supporting, wishes that comes from facebook and messages.

I was blessed to have all of you.