Monday, May 14, 2012

there's always the first time in everything.

At the very least, I should finished some assignment tonights or else I could faint with exhaustion. But, sebab hati tidak berapa sedap, I feel like wanna talk but not to talk to anybody, so out of no where, i was thinking about this blog yang sudah bersarang.

this few months, there's too much thing going on in my life. most of it are good things, few of those aren't good. whose life will be so good in everything by the way? perhaps if I got other time, I would make some posts about all those things. But in this middle of the night, I would love to talk about what happen very recently, very very recently, it was 2 days ago.

11 may 2012. I was in a singing competition. oh ya, you didn't read that wrong. It is SINGING competition. if you know me, I am someone that is quite synonim with dancing, but never even close to singing. seriously, menyanyi dalam tandas di hostel pun segan okay. tandas rumah berani lah juga. My voice is kind of limited to people that really know me, like few of families and roommates, sebab hanya mereka pernah dengar aku karaoke. and I was never really good, setakat boleh-boleh saja lah. Even not to my bestfriend, sebab this singing things strikes me about 2 3 years backwards, and mariam and me were always thousands miles away.

And to be exact, it is MANDARIN SONG COMPETITION. aha, that is quite shocking is it. but not so shocking lah actually because I can speak mandarin walaupun not so well anymore. So, the process is kind of funny lah sebab kekurangan keyakinan diri and all that. til the very saat terakhir of hantar borang baru I go and sent in my registration form where the pejabat close at 5.p.m and my class also finished at 5.p.m, I was like tawakal and bergantung pada rezeki saja, kalau pejabat masih buka, then I join, if no, then not rezeki. So, kind of rezeki lah kan the pejabat still open. and they said the audition is the next day. at that time, dalam sedar tidak sedar memang aku sudah hafal a mandarin song which I always sang in the room so bab hafal-hafal lagu wasn't a problem. The problem at that time is, either I sang acapella or with instrument, minus one was not accepted during audition. Mana mungkin aku ber-acapella, tidak akan. so, masalahnya ialah mencari pemain gitar. I swear to myself, if I could play, I won't susahkan siapa-siapa. and sangat susah lah mencari guitarist at that time sebab this competition clashed with Saturday night life event where all  the Umpians musician will join that event. In my mind, there's this boy who can play and Saturday Night life wasn't his priority but he didn't want to do any performance. despite all that, aku tetap called him and ask, mula-mula I just ask him untuk kasi biasa aku with the guitar things and I say I will find another guitarist, but as we are practising, I managed to convinced him to joined me. So, there, I get a guitarist.

then, we enter the audition. aku membayangkan a closed audition. never occured to my mind that it is an opened audition. setibanya aku di tempat kejadian pun, there are so many people there, and that is where I almost get this some kind of breakdown. and lagi lah mengharukan keadaan when they said I'm the second contestant. My guitarist yang  kononnya sangat nervous pula turn to be sangat calm during audition. Its like we are changing souls sebelum audition, I was always the calm one but not this time. If you are there, you could see that I was like a sad kitten yang sangat2 kasihan. I was trembling. But I know as I opened my mouth, the judges were quite atonished. tapi, sebab terlalu nervous, till the very last words, I didn't even angkat my eyes to see the audience. til my guitarist laugh because he said "bibir kau pun begegar". can you imagine the ritcher scale of my nervous then?  epic is it sampai the lips shake. :D So, the judges give me second chance and ask mee to see the audience, and after that I did qualified myself to the final. But, there's this one funny story happen here. All the judges are actually pure chinese from china. So, it is a bit hard to understand their english, and what I heard was "can you sing last friday night?". tapi sebenarnya what she say is "see you this friday night". hah, nasib baik aku tidak nyanyi lagu last friday night, kalau tidak, kuyak sepanjang zaman lah kan. semua nervous punya pasal.

So, as i qualified to the final, and suddenly they said minus one must be use during final, my guitarist didnt follow me to final, and I have to perform solo. And they asked for two songs, so I have to hafal another song. Luckily I did hafal another song. not so hafal, but 1 day is enough for me to prepare. I was nervous, indeed. aku takut trembling til the voice begegar. I was afraid in many things. And ayah. yes my ayah, ayah is a great singer where actually anak-anak dia tidak berapa mendapat darah seni dia tu. so, when I tell him he was like"really?" but yes he did yakin in me, keep on calling to give tips and all that. 15 minutes before audition though I didn't remind him, he called. I didn't think about this seriously before that because I think it is not because the voice, for me, it is because of the mandarin ability in speaking but it turn out to be yes you need to sing well to enter this thing.

it was never about winning. seriously, throughout the process, I did aware this gonna help me a lot for myself. For the courage and self confidence. So, dalam mau tidak mau, I enter the final stage. again, as the lucky second contestant. langkah pertama naik stage, I tell you, I can't even feel the stage. its like "did I step it, eh, where's my feet going? okay, I'm not falling, keep on going" and the butterfly in the stomach feeling. uh, I tell you it's like thousand butterflies are in my stomach that time. dalam kebegegaran aku tu, I greet the audience, the music started and I saw few of my friends, and there, they are my strength. :) It was not a good voice quality of performance coz theres part I cant tarik my voice sebab terlalu begegar, but I did give my best. seeing all the faces that was eager to know whether this girl can pull everythings out and there I wave to the audience. I didnt think of anything but just this one, at least, when the audience go back, I wanted to make my performance was one of the performance that they can't forget. A performance that everyone could remember. I want just that. I did have some fun performing, perhaps the joy that hepls me a lot is it.

this is my video by the way, :)

not so good is it? but that was my first time. first time singing in front of a crowd. and to make it different, forst time singing, even in mandarin, in front of a crowd.

and after all this things, I have this one satisfaction for myself. that a tiny part of me say "at least, I have a bit of ayah's talent." all this things, it was for him, my dearest ayah. My biggest idol in singing. at the very least, after this, ayah and me could share and talk about singing. that is all this is about. never about winning, nor anything.

and ayah says he was proud and say that I could join him jamming when I go back home later. So what else did I want? nothing.

There's nothing I want in my life besides to make ayah and ibu proud of me.

there's second song actually but sebab ada maslaah teknikal and it ended with me singing not using minus one but the mp3 song with original song, it spoil my performance but it is okay.

and i ended as the first runner for this competition and the winner is cynthia george, there you can read her story here, cynthia winning story. :). second runner up is linda. saguhati goes to diana and her boyfriend. diana has this very sedap voice, really. some kind of when you hear, it is so menenangkan. I like. and about performing with boyfriend, I might do a post about that.

ah, and to end everything with, of course, not to forget every single person that sangat-sangat menyokong jatuh bangun saya, ibu ayah adik-adik, roommates yang walaupun tidak dapat sebut the words but still sing the melody with me, my guitarist who didnt perform with me but was there through all the process, friends yang datang supporting, wishes that comes from facebook and messages.

I was blessed to have all of you.